Yes yes, you say, age is just a number, but the older you get, the more you learn, the more you see…. And you cant take back your past, you just live with it and learn but try as hard as you might not to regret. 

Oh the innocence of a teenager, the hopes and dreams of a 20 year old…… year by year these things fade, your perception in life changes…. and try as might to fight it GROWING UP is inevitable! It sucks but you deal with it, you learn to be responsible for your actions cause your family can’t save you anymore…..

And you do things for a reason now, and some things you just do just cause you want to…… Reality has finally quit knocking on that door and stepped right on in to your life…. 

I look back at the past two years and see the differences. I’ve learnt to pick my fights and try to ignore what I can’t change, just live with it and try not to let these things screw you up.

I used to be the person that believed in proving myself to others, when infact the only one you should please is yourself. Its a hard lesson to learn, to not feel hurt if not every single person doesnt love you. So much so that I would be too in your face about myself… take me or leave me I would say…. 

And if you didnt I would look down on you. WHY????? I’ve realised that everybody is different, and instead of forcing other people to accept me, I should have practiced what I preached and just accepted people as they are. 

It might be a small lesson to others, but my attitude closed alot of doors, shunned alot of people, to protect myself I pushed them away first. Its nuts……

Now I’m trying to stop looking at what a situation is lacking and trying to just do with what is there, instead of complaining about if only if only……

Its a lot easier to blame the shit piling up around and run away then to face it…. BUT as I’ve learnt, piles of shit just get bigger and smellier and just become to hard to ignore….. So now Im dealing with life one pile of shit at a time. And letting go of things out of my control, and believing there is a higher power, there is a reason for even the worst things……

I realise thats why I was so happy-go-lucky in the past, of course you are when you ignore things around you….. hahahahahaha…. even my blog was called euphoric confusion……  how very very silly to think I could be happily confused…….

I went to sleep at 11 and woke up at 8am….. now that is what u call an absolutely rocking night’s sleep!!!!!

Anyone interested to join? they’ve got this really good deal…. go and check it out. its next to the airport mall, that building at the back. its called BUSHIIDO or something.

I seriously believe that we as women ( being the weaker sex…. or as everyone wud like to think) should learn to defend ourselves, with all these stories of kidnapping, and knifepoint robberies… I dont want to feel so scared to leave the confinements of my home, atu pun its getting not that safe right……

So if you guys are interested come along, check it out, they also have many other martial arts. They have classes from monday to friday, 5.30pm. Im not gonna bullshit and say that its easy, its tiring man, but if this is something that u might enjoy, then try it.

and Im sure that some of you out there have once in ur lifetime pretended to be an action superstar, yatah masanya ni…. hit and shout and kick… and u feel completely calm after……

I’ll try get a number you can call ya……..

So here goes, the first of many posts I’m sure. Just a place that you can read some honest opinions and hopefully add some of your own comments.

So here I am ‘STEPMOTHER EXTRAORDINAIRE’ Having had a few stepmothers of my own, NOT such an uncommon thing right now, what with parents getting married too young, husbands and many many wives taking on secret friends and meeting in secret places. And they always think their children are too small to understand whats going on. I was the one that told my mum a long time ago that yes daddy did bring a friend over and ‘aunty’ was sleeping in your bed.

I was watching Will Smith on the Ellen Show and he is half of the strongest hollywood couple, well strongest, as in their marriage never seems to falter. And he himself said, DIVORCE is not an option. So you have no choice but to work it out. Cause I guess DIVORCE isnt as TABOO as it used to be. Its too accessible, and almost a new trend, its becoming less normal to have a successful marriage and people growing old together sounds like a myth or is spoken in revered tones as if its an unimaginable legend like the lochness monster. You laugh but I’m sure all of us would prefer to achieve longtime success with our partners. 

Dont know if any of you have realised it, but we have serious serious trust issues, its nuts, but who can blame us when left right and center people are getting divorced. As these guys must know divorce is a horrible horrible thing, emotionally and physically draining. But we always seem to forget the children, did they ask to born? did they ask to be put in the middle of everything. NO NO NO…… 

For those who came, thanks so much, the food was good right… so good that my mum is now sick, she has muscle and joint pain. My mum the superwoman…… She rocks…..

And she gives some really good advice, cause shes learnt from her mistakes and still lives to tell her story. and her life has been hard, but she carries on, I dont know how she survives these tests of life and today shes happy and content. I endeavour to be as SUPER as she is at her age.

Its really sad when I think of all those years I wasted not discussing things with her, well maybe cause I have only felt like an adult once I got married, which wasnt that long ago.

But Hari Raya is also a time where we miss the ones we’ve lost, I still havent been able to fully accept that. I’m sure I never will, but it worries me that I am slowly forgetting. I mean how well do we really know our fathers. Or elder brothers. These men of authority that my whole life Ive been slightly scared of. You put up pictures and try to think back to and try to remember their voices. We remember instances and moments.

I hate to sound so self involved but it is my blog… hahahaha… who else am I supposed to be talking bout.

To all those out there,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

please forgive me if I have ever hurt you in any way.